Nags- that's the usual when I step back to that childhood home of mine. Since I was pretty small I remember. I really need a long break from all that. Really long. I halted my way back yesterday, sat alone by the coffee shop, took time to finish my green tea latte and few good chapters of the recent novel I am reading. And it occurred to me, clearly.
"Awak tak kan tak kenal ... " those words (wise one) repeatedly out from a friend of mine. Sigh, a big one. 'Yes, now I know.'
I could have possibly trying to be denial or I might have been denial all these while.
Issues that I really do not understand, why at first it is always be a problem to me, and only me.
1) I am working, a professionals. But always have days that I trembling over ends meet.
- When normally at work, it is very often my colleagues and bosses mumble over the same,
2) I am a working mother, and made an effort to wake up early in the morning to cook and again to cook after work.
- When another friend of mine exclaimed merrily 'ohhh just like my dear mum when I was young' (and that sounded so normal)
3) I am a working mother, who works around the clock and rarely get in touch of my child's meal especially breakfast and lunch.
- When other working moms also faces the same.
4) I am a working mother and ...
By now, my frustration on laying out the points getting bigger. I need to feel normal. Yes, normal. I use to remember how bad I wanted to feel so. And that particular brainy supermother will tell me all the opposite.
Sigh. Double big one.
I never will win with her. In her own terms. And it is a useless effort.
I am indeed, myself, and I understand my judgements. And up till now, I thanked myself for all the jump I made in my life. Because those are steps of my freedom. Steps of my normality out of all the abnormalities.
