Butterflies

I know I don't really write usual enough. Everything that quite interesting passes by so quickly and when I am in front of the laptop I just cannot remember a thing. Or simply don't know where to start. So, since my last post, like a year ago (I think), finally I am done with internship. Good 2 years + 3month (maternity leave) + 1 month (log book extension). Seriously? I don't think I deserve the extra one month, but let it be. Could care less.

Both babies, (yes, both) Maryam and Fatimah really beat the clock fast now. Maryam is already 3 and half while Fatimah about 1 year and 3months by this very moment. Both hugs me very well (haha)- yes, I really do a lot of hugging all the year round. We spend a lot of times together. Mostly the 3 of us because daddy is always busy (seriously?) Love all of you. :)

Next on top of all that, I have already done my biggest surgical correction to my so unfortunate feet. I had it operated on on the 29th October this year with hope I can walk the talk - getting osteoarthritis way longer than it could have. I had loads of thoughts over this operation, and well I got it sorted out. It is only 4weeks past and cross fingers, it will work, it must work! So for the half a year, I have not been working. Only managing trivial cough and colds at home.

I am not having anything to talk on this time, really. But frankly, a lot of things I am encountering lately. But I supposed I would talk on this disturbing feeling I am having. About the medical treatment/operation that I am going through. Not the feeling or the thinking over decision to go under the knife, sure it was bothering enough but at this very moment it was all settled. Over and done with. I got a good care from this local semi- government hospital. A friendly specialist at my workplace referred me to him, another friendly competent surgeon. So I have started treatments since mid year this year, and he has been very good but surprisingly maybe I just don't understand the system.

I had a call for early October slot for operation but ended up I had it done end of October, yes, with lots of politics involved. I simply don't know what I did was in a way helping me and the specialist incharged on the matter or not. But it turned out I felt he is upset with the issues that I might had been the one raised out LOUD. I got a call the first thing in the morning of 20th Oct after my 1st admission on the 1st October became a frustration, I again taken back by another frustration. On the 1st, I had to accept that my case was a little not to urgent ( I got it somehow) but to wait for another date which I remembered being early this coming December? (oh no way!) And I remembered so well, in the midst of my bad cold, I had a dream one night to actually address this matter to the superior.

So, the next morning, exactly like what I dreamt, I wrote a letter to the hospital chairman and get it forwarded to the respective specialist. I thought it could help the incharged doctors to get me a slot which he/they seemed not to be able to find himself/themselves. And so, I got my wish granted by the hospital.

Appointments by appointments I could sensed the irritability of the surgeon towards me. I am not asking for shortcuts or double standard treatment, rather I really think of it as a 'help' I could offer. As I myself understand the system (talking about my workplace) so, I am not expecting way too much separating binder between the two.

Later I had issues, like fell down the stair, couple of times and worst was once 2 days ago. I hated the fact it happened because I was too tired to go down the stairs but I still did to get breakfast. I asked for opinions. It sounded fair. So I went on a spoken walk in appointments. Xrays done but that was it. I didn't get to see the doctor. Or appropriate way to put it, I went home after about an hour waiting out of my appointment day. Feeling so not belonged with a lot of other errand to run, I left. I did inform but I just don't feel right. Still feeling something stuck at my throat now. It felt so unresponsible of me and irrespectfull of me. I left mainly on not wanting to be a trouble to anyone. And not even at all to cut others que. But to be making another call and tell the surgeon that I left is just unforgiven. So I texted.

Do you get me? Or am I being childish again (my best specialty) but what could I have done better?
Now, the only thoughts that is polite to me is to ask for a reschedule to this week appointment. I am so going to make the call tomorrow.

Good night.